Men

I never dated before the age of 35.  I used to weigh nearly 600 pounds and didn't want to sleep with creepy fetish dudes.  So.  I never dated in high school.  Nor in college.  I had my first date in December with a man who has nine toes, who lives with his mother and who brought with him a purse that he made himself.  Suffice it to say, he went back to his girlfriend and nothing came of it.

I've also dated a guy who swapped tags on items so he could trick Sears into giving him store credits, a homeless S&M dude who wore a truss to the movies, and at least one man I'm pretty sure is gay.  I negotiate dating poorly.  I'm pretty sure I'll die alone, surrounded be cats.  I know the cats will eat me.  I cut my finger a couple weeks ago and Spenser, my ancient, incontinent tabby, licked the blood off the floor.  I know cats like the taste of me.  And the man thing isn't working.

I wonder if it's easier for people who've done this since high school?  Of maybe it's even more brutal and depressing.  If I'd dated for twenty years and still didn't have a boyfriend, I'd probably feel pretty bad about that.  The guy I liked the most of all seems to have moved in with someone else.  He still wants to talk to me because I'm good entertainment.  So I'm learning that dating sucks and that a lot of men -- in my admittedly limited experience -- make terrible friends as well as terrible lovers.

Maybe I need to move?  Or maybe I just need more cats.